Clone Wars, not as bad as you might think

I was convinced ahead of time that this would be absolutely terrible. So convinced that I didn't even want to spend my money on it. That's saying a lot, since it's Star Wars. This was all until I went to go see Tropic Thunder and had a half an hour to kill. So what else do I do but sit in on Clone Wars? In that span of time I was convinced that it wasn't terrible, just kinda mediocre, and that I'd go see it.

Flash forward to the next day, me and a few friends go to the theater to catch a 5:30 showing of it. Previews lurch by slowly for about twenty minutes until we finally get to the classic intro screen. "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." My friend Grant cracks, "This isn't Mama Mia!". We prepare for the text scroll...but it never comes. It is, instead, replaced by a TV-style "previously on Star Wars" type recap. A narrator basically reads what would have been the scroll. It's a little unexpected, as everything else in the Star Wars universe has the scroll. It doesn't really hurt the experience, though.

The movie powers on, and we are treated to ridiculous amounts of the Star Wars-style action we've all come to love, the mistakes we've become accustomed George Lucas making, a few bad voice acting jobs, an over-the-top and cheap-looking animation style and so on and so forth.

So, where do I start? I guess I'll get all of the negatives out of the way. Ahsoka. She's a terrible mistake for the series. She's like Anakin Mk II. I haven't seen a character so obnoxious and annoying since Hayden Christensen emoed up the screen a few years back. She's every bit a clone of him infused with Miley Cyrus' DNA. Her character is totally unnecessary and could've been left out, entirely. It's terrible to have the two of them on screen together. They both whine and don't listen to anyone...except that Anakin for some reason usually defaults to her ideas and they work. Way to train her, Darth Pushover. Another obnoxious part of their interactions that's completely unnecessary are the nicknames. "Sky Guy"? "Snips"? "STINKY"?! Please.

As for production values, the movie is lacking in quite a few areas. The animation style is barely acceptable, but the crappy textures and poor lip-synching are what really kill that aspect of the film. The absence of a score by John Williams also hurts a bit. The choice of voice actors to stand in for their big name counter-parts sounds right for a few lines, but when a full range of emotion is employed throughout the movie, they sound less and less like the stars they impersonate.

On the Hutt side of things, we've also got a few new characters of note. Jabba the Hutt's son, who I thought would be a great annoyance, didn't have a speaking role and just cried from time-to-time. Make sense, since it's a baby. The real note-worthy character here is the Truman Capote slug. Jabba's effeminate uncle, Zero the Hutt. He is utterly ridiculous. Me and my friends couldn't contain our laughter every time he spoke. After the movie, I researched it a bit, and found that it's actually in-line with Star Wars mythos. Hutts are hermaphrodites. They generally always take on male titles(hence uncle), but they either adopt masculine or feminine personalities. It makes sense, and, looking back, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed the movie nearly as much if he wasn't there. He makes you laugh. I think that was the intention, to have a character so patently ridiculous that you can't help but enjoy them.

So, now that I've got all the bad crap out of the way, I'll start defending the movie like the fanboy I am. I can understand a lot of the choices made for the movie. The "previously on Star Wars" segment, the poor production values, the no-name voice actors, etc. They're gearing up for a TV show. They want this to fit in seamlessly with the TV show. What better way to do that than to turn the movie into several episodes of a show? It actually works, too. While Clone Wars may not make for the best movie, if you think of it in terms of a show, it's actually pretty damned good.

So, it's not perfect. It's not even as good as the prequel trilogy. It's not terrible, though. If you go in with no expectations and you give it a little room to do its thing, then you might just enjoy yourself. If you go in with a GeorgeLucasiskillingmychildhood attitude, then you're going to hate it. Lighten up and enjoy it for what it is.

**Unrelated Rant**

That being said, George Lucas has no idea on how to continue the series. For some reason, he seems to think that all Star Wars is is the force and lightsabers. He couldn't be farther from the truth. Some of the best Star Wars stories don't even involve Jedi. Books like Tales from Jabba's Palace capture the Star Wars feel better than any of Lucas' recent attempts and the force isn't anywhere to be found in them. Dark Forces, the classic Star Wars game for the PC, was one of the better Star Wars games out there and started one of the best Star Wars game series without the help of the force(although, it found its way into later installments). The Star Wars Battlefront series is one of the best selling group of Star Wars games out there, and the Jedi and Sith play such a ridiculously small role in it that they aren't really even worth mentioning.

My point is, instead of focusing on the force and the Jedi and the Sith and the same battles and plotlines we've been seeing for years, Star Wars should be focused on something different. Something unknown to the franchise. Something that doesn't involve the Clone Wars. Maybe even the empire and the Republic could take a back seat for a while. Take it somewhere new. Or just focus on known characters that everyone loves that don't get nearly enough screen time. You've got Chewbacca and Boba Fett. How can you not harness the awesomeness of either of those two? Especially Boba Fett! In the immortal words of MC Chris, his back pack's got jetts. He's Boba the Fett. He bounty hunts for Jabba the Hutt to finance his 'Vette. How about let's do something cool with him, instead of turning him into an annoying fat kid and focusing on his dad.